We’re coming up on the final month before 2015 kicks the bucket.  If you’re anything like me, you have not quite managed to meet all of the resolutions you set yourself this year, and are busily planning to not meet them again next year.  For example, I wanted to finish my second book by the end of December, and instead I’m stuck on Pinterest looking for the best pumpkin cookies, and falling down treacherous Wikipedia holes on things like Tsukumogami-hundred year old objects that become sentient in certain folklore.

Sound like you,too?  Here are my tips on finally achieving the most commonly made resolutions: getting organized, and getting fit.

Getting Organized:

1. Buy an adorable pet that likes to chew, bury or pee on anything on the floor/at mouth height.
2. Try to teach the pet not to do that.
3. Fail at teaching pet.
4. Throw out everything pet has now destroyed.
5. As you value your remaining possessions, make sure they can’t be made victim to the reign of terror your pet has inflicted on inanimate objects by throwing them into secure areas such as shelves, the back of cabinets, locked closets, and so on.
6. Throw out more destroyed stuff when that plan backfires, and you find out that the pet has made a nest of destroyed sweaters  in the formerly secured area.
7. Buy a few pet-proof containers to hide everything left.  Take this time to put all of the “like” things together, label the boxes, and take inventory of all the things you’ll have to replace to live like a real human in your home.
8. Congrats!  You’re now organized.

BONUS!  Since you’re doing this now, you’ll have time to tell friends and family that you really would like a new colander, purse, and fuzzy socks for the gift giving holidays this year.

It looks so sweet, until you realize that sock is a hostage.

Getting fit:

1. Make a plan to commit to some workout routine, sport, class or gym.
2. Do well at it for about two weeks, feel really confident.
3. Sign up for a race or extreme adventure sport activity that’s several months away.
4. Stop going to the gym because you can workout during commercials AND have a drink at the same time!
5. Forget that Netflix doesn’t have commercials.  Pour another glass of wine and promise to start again once you finish this season of your show.
6. Realize event is no longer several months away.
7. Panic.
8. Do as many activities as you can in way too little time.
9. Perform the activity!  Congratulations!  You’re fit enough to have done that activity!  Mission accomplished!

BONUS!  You should definitely have an extra helping of pie, to compensate for all of the calories you’ve been burning stressing about and then performing the activity.

I hope this helps!  Be a winner!  Enjoy your pie!