This is a common refrain of authors.  Humans, generally, I think, but chances are you don’t idly wonder how you’d butcher a human or which part of a human is best to eat, and then Google it.  (Until now!)

So, here is a list of a few of the things that have really changed the sorts of ads I get now, and which I’m convinced have some sort of impact on the search terms Google tries to auto-populate for me:

1. If you get punched in the eye, can you get heterochromatic eyes?
2. How much blood would you lose if you cut a line from your forehead to your toes?
3. Most efficient way to remove someone’s clothing.
4. What is the dirt from ant hills made of?
5. What does a healed bullet hole look like?
6. How much would it cost to buy illegal body armor?
7. What does an eighth of coke go for these days?
8. Fashionable ways to conceal weapons?
9. Ancient feminine hygiene products.
10. How to strip common household appliances for valuable metals

For when you need your gun close to your heart more than you need your left breast. Image courtesy gungoddess.com

As you may have guessed, Google now thinks I’m a heavily armed woman who refuses to wear anything that isn’t skin tight, gets her period probably too often and has myriad kinks.  I’m not gonna correct them, though, this is so much more interesting than the ads for Swiffers I used to get.