IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT: A rant

Today’s post is brought to you by a hapless Buzzfeed “article” about self-defense.

I’ve got a thing about realism in books.  I can totally buy that there’s a dragon who enjoys musicals, or that there’s a new sort of spaceship that moves faster than the speed of light and runs on anti-photons or whatever, but people who say things that people don’t say, or worse, who engage in combat like drunk sock-puppets will ruin it for me.

Here’s a list of things characters say that destroy my suspension of disbelief now:

  1. “I’m not who you/they/she think(s) I am.”
  2. “I got outta that life/game a long time ago.”
  3. “Forget everything you know.” (GOD even writing this makes me mad! How could you forget everything, and how could you INSTANTLY LEARN something that isn’t based on anything you already know?!)
  4. “You’re not like everyone else.”
  5. “I’ve got the high ground Ani!”
  6. “I don’t like sand.”

FOOP! Now I’m just writing things from the prequel Star Wars trilogy.  Reel it in, Allison.

Here are fighty things that drive me batty:

  1. People who have trained, like, a day and are now Batman.
  2. Badasses who can’t take any hits.
  3. Using unnecessary flourishes in fights.  We can’t all be Daredevil or Zorro, as sad as that makes me.

Okay.  I think that is it.  For now. I reserve the right to find more nits to pick.  We’re re-filming part of the interview for the Person of Interest segment, and so it is delayed.  Alas.  In the meantime, we can all practice forgetting everything we think we know so we can be different from everyone else and become Batman by lunch.  Your mission is before you.

 

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